


Brave Enough

by Novia



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Depression, Drug Use, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, No Dialogue, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Limited, Peace of mind, Pidge | Katie Holt Angst, Pidge | Katie Holt-centric, Possible Character Death, Prison, References to Depression, Regret, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-07 21:28:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19858291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Novia/pseuds/Novia
Summary: Pidge only regrets one thing in her adventures of being a Paladin of Voltron.Not telling how she truly felt.





	Brave Enough

She was sitting beside her window which was open and the late night breeze caressed her cheeks. She closed her eyes as she thought about her past. About the things she should’ve said, but left unsaid. About the things she should’ve done, but she we afraid to do.

She regretted it.

She felt so much regret for letting her chances slip by. She felt cowardly. Something great slipped through her fingers and she watched happen, doing nothing to stop it. She opened her eyes and looked at the stars. The stars she used to be so close to. Just an arm’s length away. The stars he belonged to and chased. Tears welled in her eyes. “I wish I was brave enough to love you.” She whispered to the sky. Telling the stars her secret she has been nursing for so long. The secret that has been eating away at her for far too long. 

So many years gone by holding back the words that wanted to escape from the tight grip she held her tongue with. But she would never let the grip go. Admitting is not an option. Not when he...

She closed her eyes again after watching a shooting star cross the highway of the nightsky.

> _“I wish I was brave enough to love you.”_

* * *

Her eyes shot open at the sound of an alarm blearing.

She nearly fell out of her bed as she rushed to suit up and meet the others at the control deck. So, that the woman standing in the middle of the room, with an air of regality, Princess Allura of Altea, clasped hands in front of her, could address the people in front of her. The Paladins of Voltron, as they were called. The title that came with great responsibility.

A distress signal the Altean explained. She dared a furtive glance to the side as the Princess explained the situation. Her eyes directed towards him, like being pulled by a magnet. Taking in every little thing about him. Her eyes drinking up every little detail, like a drought man would drink up every drop of water he could get his hands on.

Looking forward with a determined glint in his eyes, his black straight and posture at attention. His black and white armour looking dashing as ever on him. Takashi Shirogane, the Black Paladin of Voltron. Or Shiro, as he preferred to be called. His steel grey eyes, the white poof of hair, the jagged scar across his nose, his build... his joyful laughs and smiles, the glint in his eyes that made him look younger. Everything.

But this was no time to get distracted, she reprimanded herself and shook her head to focus back on the Princess. It was all a big rush. Her time as a Paladin. A desperate search for her family. Nights spent at the control room, typing away at the computer. Scarce and short breaks in between to stretch her legs spent standing in front of one the large panes of windows, touching it as if that would help reaching her lost brother and father. Tightly shutting her eyes to stop the escaping tears. She wished she could do more.

She wished instead of daydreaming she’d get herself together.

* * *

She always imagined it like this.

Late nights of tired searching disturbed by soft knocks and small smiles with warm cups of beverage held in his hands. Always reminding her to take a break, rest and recharge. Draining herself wouldn't help. Would only worry her family.

Finding small clues and excitedly sharing them with him and him sharing those feelings of excitement.

Tired nights where they fell asleep huddled together and found by the other Paladins: Hunk, Keith and Lance. Hunk laying a blanket over their forms, so they didn’t fall sick. And when done tiptoeing away silently so as not to disturb the two. Already used to the irregular sleep schedule the duo followed. 

Lists of planets that are used as prison hubs. Each ticked off one after another, the freed prisoners' count climbing higher and higher. But they didn’t give up. They went on and on. Searching and searching. Getting closer to the goal minute by minute. Until the latest prison.

Infiltrating wasn’t easy as usual. Keith, Lance and Hunk going in the other direction, freeing prisoners in the other wing while she was paired off with Shiro doing the same. But hope was not high as they passed all the cells and freed people, but not her family. They approached the last cell. Soon after opening the door and stepping inside, she saw them. Her father and brother huddled together with their other cell mates. Tears welled up and slipped from her eyes as they fell together. She found them finally. Shiro joined their group hug and she was happy. She was with her family and love.

They brought the prisoners back to the Castle, her family riding with her in the Green Lion.

Matt, her brother, was in awe of the Castle of Lions. Practically drooling at the sight of such elegance and technical advancement. He truly was her brother. She did not waste time and her first course of action was giving a tour of the Castle to both Matt and Sam, her father. The following time was spent with family bonding. Picnics on top of the Green Lion, that even Shiro joined in on. But the life of a Paladin never slows down.

Years have passed and even on a special day as this, her 18th birthday, they still had to fight. It was one of those particularly hard missions. And she was sitting outside, watching the sunset with the mice, when Shiro joined her and sat down beside her. At first they sat silently. Just watching the fading sun fall below the horizon. Finally Shiro turned towards her. He seemed a bit hesitant and nervous, but quickly overcame it. He confessed, and she couldn’t believe her ears. She fought off the shock and threw herself at him, letting out a breathless and giddy laugh.

She couldn’t be happier.

From that day onwards they’ve been a couple. Not even the war could keep them apart. All the hardships, the teary eyes meetings, and missions gone wrong only strengthened their bond. And their teamwork became effortless. And soon they found themselves on their way home. To Earth. The war was over. She could finally reunite her family and also add a plus one.

The years to follow pass by in a blur and she soon found herself celebrating her 22nd birthday with Shiro by her side. Who has been with her ever since, and never leaving her side since they came back to Earth. Family dinners, holidays, breaks and lots more days all spent together. And that day, that birthday was also the day he proposed. A teary eyed confession of feelings and a promise to live the rest of their lives together. She of course said yes, and the year following went by in a flash. She surprised him with a cake on his birthday that had a big, bright red 8 on top of it. Counting all the years he could actually celebrate his birthday on the correct day. He laughed hard, taking the joke in a stride and her heart warmed at the sight.

Just the day before their wedding she cut her hair. A pixie with an undercut. She was contemplating what her fiancé’s reaction would be to the sudden change when Shiro stepped inside the bathroom. She spun on her heels surprised and startled by the entrance, but immediately flashing a sheepish smile when her eyes met with his widened ones. But soon the surprise wore off and he flashed her a warm and reassuring smile and told her he loved it.

Their wedding the next day was a huge success. Everything went smoothly, no accidents whatsoever, and everyone had the time of their lives, celebrating their union and the occasion to reunite with friends not seen for so long. Her bouquet, that she has thrown, as tradition, even landed in Keith’s hands, much to the man's shock. And their sneaky photographer even managed to catch both Keith’s and Lance’s off-guard surprised expressions when it landed. Countless photos were snapped of that night. Of Hunk as he brought out the cake he made smiling and laughing cheerfully, he catered the whole event. Of the Paladins making funny faces at the camera feeling giddy with the rush of the happiness. Of the Alteans’ faces as they tried several new Earth foods they haven’t yet encountered (and spitting some out the second they learned where they came from). Of their first dance, the background unfocused and the newlywed couple in the centre of the frame. Several of the stray black cat that came out of nowhere and stole Shiro’s fish he was just about to eat, and his dejected look afterwards, that was replaced by a fond smile directed towards his newlywed wife, who was delighted by the earlier event and was laughing freely.

And even more that were organised inside a photo album they took everywhere with them, easily accessible if they wanted to take a look at them. They even took it on their honeymoon. Which they spent travelling from planet to planet. Visiting several places and venturing further. They were happy.

_But dreams were always shattered._

* * *

But reality is not like that. Reality is harsh. Reality only brings pain. Everything good and sweet is a trick of the mind. Nothing ever goes right, if it does, then it's not real. Prepare for the worst to happen and lose everything that you've ever received, because you never know what's the next thing you loose.

_‘Real life doesn’t grant wishes.’_

She thought as she gazed into Shiro’s glowing purple eyes. They lost him, and as it turned out, they only found a clone controlled by Haggar. She’s poised to attack, but she can’t bring herself to do anything, still staring into those eyes. The eyes of the man she loved, but not at the same time, because that _wasn't_ him.

The imagined memories of a happy Shiro. A happy life as a couple flashed before her eyes as she lowered her weapon and Shiro turned away. Taking everything with him. Her arms fell to her sides limply. Tears slid down her cheeks.

_**This** isn’t what she wanted. _

She found Matt at a rebel base. Rescued by the Resistance, and not her. Living on freely. Without her father. Her father was later offered by Zarkon, in exchange for Lotor. A wicked and rigged offer he didn't even fulfill. Her father withheld, while Lotor was offered on a silver platter. Whom, realising the fraud, fought and killed the emperor. Thus causing disturbance in the Galran Empire.

He went back to Earth alone, left to convince the Garrison and the Earth alone to prepare for the Galra. Matt stayed with the Rebel fighters, continuing his job. Thus ripping her family apart again. The ones she found with hard work, yet again drifting apart from each other and left to live in doubt and worry. Never knowing whether the other got to live the next day for sure or not.

_This isn’t what she wanted._

Is the only thought resounding in her mind as she rushed to the others standing around Shiro, who was just brought back to his clone’s body from the Astral Plane by Allura. The venture back to Earth only begins after that. Because the Castle of Lions was sacrificed. Not because the war is over. Not because they can finally return without fear of endangering Earth. No. All of this is far from being over.

She thought this is what she deserved for being a coward as she watched Shiro from the doorway of his room. They were in a hotel on an alien planet, who graciously offered them a place to stay for the night so they could recharge and continue on. He was sitting on his bed, back facing the doorway and clutching at his stump that remained of his arm. She walked away. No longer being able to stand there and watch the visible anguish set in the lines of his form.

And she’s too afraid to call out.

* * *

That brings her here.

Sitting under the stars beside her open window. She lost her chance. And that was that. There'd be no more stolen moments where she could pretend even just a moment longer, that she still had a chance.

Everyone found their happiness. Keith by Lance’s side, Hunk by Romelle’s, and Shiro by a man's named Curtis, who’s supposedly part of the Atlas’ crew. Even Matt found his happiness. Everyone happily in love and planning a future spent by their spouse's side.

But not her. She’s still hung up on a love that’s been out of her reach for years, but for some reason could not let go. And she has to watch him get married, get his happily ever after on the next day. With someone else. She couldn’t do it, the thought plagued her mind as she clutched her shirt. But alas, she promised she’d be there. How foolish of her, she thought bitterly. Heaving a sigh she casted one last look at the night sky and went to bed.

The night was spent fitfully. Full of tossing and turning. Dark and blank dreams haunting her that woke her frequently and breathlessly throughout the night. So, in the morning as she was gazing at her reflection, she determined herself. Fed up with her life, and her inability to move on. So, today is the day. There is nothing left for her anyways. She distanced herself from the other Paladins, only scarcely keeping in touch with her family and not responding to anything Shiro sent her aside from the invite. She didn't gain new friends, but it wasn't like she tried. She had no desire to do so anyways.

Getting ready and covering up the bags under her eyes with makeup she dreaded the moment both men would say ‘yes’. The moment that'd forever decide her fate. But as the time of departing from grew nearer there was also a sense of calm that settled over her. Because she wouldn’t have to suffer for longer. Because it'd be all over soon enough. 

During the whole ceremony and after party this sense of calm followed her. Feeling free for the first time in what felt like forever. And she could genuinely congratulate the newlyweds. No longer plagued by jelousy and other pitiful feelings. Everyone seemed to think that the depression that has been weighing her down seemed to be lifting it's claws from her. Finally starting to get better. But it’s just the calmness of determination. The peace of mind that comes with the decision of ending one's life.

Getting home at night she opened her cabinet of medications.

At least, she should be happy that she didn’t use to be able to sleep to an extent that her doctor had to give her Ambien for sleep to come her way. That was long ago, but she still managed to save a lethal dosage. She even made it into a quickly dissolving powder substance. 2.000 mg is already enough to kill, but she went sure and saved 3.792 mg of it. She chuckled to herself as she opened her fridge and pulled out the palinka she saved for this. She loves it, so she her. Relief flooded her veins. She poured it out into a shot glass along with the powder. Stirring it a bit she took it into her palm and went to her bedroom. Slipping into night clothes, she sat down behind her desk, setting her glass down.

She grabbed a letter paper and began writing. She said her goodbyes, but did not apologise. As an afterthought she wrote down her feelings for Shiro.

At last, her regret vanished for not telling him how she felt. Because in a sense she told him. Not face to face, but she wouldn't be brave enough to do so anyways. Folding the paper she slipped it inside an envelope. Addressing it to her ex-teammates and familiy. Setting it down on her bedside table, she slipped under her covers. Whispering a “Cheers.” to the darkness she downed the drink. Putting it down beside the letter she let out a sigh settling back on her bed. Laying on her back, blanket pulled up just under her chest, hands clasped on her stomach and facing the ceiling she closed her eyes with a small smile on her lips. “Finally, peace at last.”

And she drifts off to darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this little story of mine.  
> It is based off of Lindsey Stirling and Christina Perri's song called _[Brave Enough](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOmc9uG1Ndg)_.  
> And a wonderful Shidge animatic by FATE221 on YouTube, _[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv_K-bqEErA)_.  
> I really loved the song and the animatic was just BEAUTIFUL. So, I really wanted to write a story out of it. 
> 
> Again thank you so much for reading, leave a comment of your thoughts and drop a Kudo. <3
> 
> **Disclaimer:** I do not own Voltron: Legendary Defenders nor it's characters. Any resemblance to other stories or creations is a mere coincidence, aside from the above mentioned animatic I based this story off of. Do not report me because you thought I stole someone's ideas. I am trying to create a story of my own with my own ideas. It took me hours, days, weeks, months to write this story. Thank you.  
>  **Addition:** If you know if the creator wishes me to remove the story because they don't want me to use the same concept, please alert me so I can get in contact with them or direct them to me so we can discuss it, and if it comes to it, I will remove the story from here, as I am not posting it on other platforms.
> 
> Have a nice day!


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